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About Hamilton

Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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But then, outta nowhere, it started pouring. I mean, like, buckets of rain! I was soaked in seconds. I was like, “Seriously, Matamata? You’re gonna do me like this?” I ducked into a shop on Broadway, and they had the cutest sheep-themed souvenirs. I couldn’t resist. I bought a little sheep keychain. It’s ridiculous, but it made me smile.

Tim van de Molen | MP for Waikato